* PLEASE NOTE: For the purpose of this sample, I have only published part 1 of 3.
Great job with this one! I absolutely love the concept and how you’ve taken it to rhyme. Score one for the rhyming team! 🙂 Ok, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve gone through the entire thing line by line, as I like to work, leaving my notes as I go. Alright, here we go!
– = unaccented syllable
/ = accented syllable
bold text = visual indicator of accented syllables
Underlined text = indicates line where meter is off
italics = my notes & suggestions
NIGHT-NIGHT, BUGGY BUGS, SLEEP TIGHT! By Candace Spizzirri © 2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Just a thought that popped in my head for the title: “Night-Night, Busy Bugs, Sleep Tight” That way you keep the fun night-night bugs part, but it makes it subtly more accessible to an older age group as well. Also, “busy bugs” seems a bit more relevant to the story’s concept.
In buggy world there’s much to do. -/-/-/-/
The bugs work hard and play some too. -/-/-/-/
They’re super busy through their day. -/-/-/-/
They’re busy bugs throughout the day -/-/-/-/
And each bug has its special way. -/-/-/-/
And each one has its special way. -/-/-/-/
But when their day comes to an end, -/-/-/-/
But when they start to drag their feet, -/-/-/-/
There’s dreamy, sleepy time to spend. -/-/-/-/
They’ll sleep now that their day’s complete. -/-/-/-/
Back to their homes each crawls or flies, /–/-/-/
The word “Back” is accented here, which throws off your meter. Perhaps wording it a bit differently like this could help:
“To get back home, each crawls or flies,” -/-/-/-/
Added a comma at the end to transition to the next line where I make another suggestion.
Then buggy bugs all close their eyes. -/-/-/-/
Where busy bugs all close their eyes. -/-/-/-/
A silkworm spins its silk for cloth. -/-/-/-/
It’s larva, pupa, then a moth. -/-/-/-/
As larva, pupa, then a moth. -/-/-/-/
Okay, there you go! I hope my notes and suggestions help out. This is such a great idea for a story and I love the angle you’ve chosen to tell it. I can see it being a “bug” hit in many households and schools!! 🙂 Let me know if you have any questions or need clarification on anything – you can email me directly if you prefer. Chat soon!