EXAMPLES OF MY WORK

 


FULL MANUSCRIPT SOLUTION


Legend:
– = unaccented syllable
/ = accented syllable
bold text = visual indicator of accented syllables
underlined text = indicates line where meter is off
italics = my notes & suggestions


NIGHT-NIGHT, BUGGY BUGS, SLEEP TIGHT!
By Candace Spizzirri © 2017 All rights reserved.
(For the purpose of this sample, I am sharing part 1 of 3.)

In buggy world there’s much to do. -/-/-/-/
The bugs work hard and play some too. -/-/-/-/
They’re super busy through their day. -/-/-/-/ Consider:
They’re busy bugs throughout the day, -/-/-/-/

And each bug has its special way. -/-/-/-/ Consider:
and each one has its special way. -/-/-/-/

But when their day comes to an end, -/-/-/-/
But when they start to drag their feet, -/-/-/-/

There’s dreamy, sleepy time to spend. -/-/-/-/ Consider:
they’ll sleep now that their day’s complete. -/-/-/-/

Back to their homes each crawls or flies, /- -/-/-/
The word “Back” is accented here, which throws off your meter. Perhaps wording it a bit differently like this could help:
To get back home, each crawls or flies, -/-/-/-/
Also added a comma at the end to transition to the next line where I make another suggestion.

Then buggy bugs all close their eyes. -/-/-/-/ Consider:
where busy bugs all close their eyes. -/-/-/-/

A silkworm spins its silk for cloth. -/-/-/-/
It’s larva, pupa, then a moth. -/-/-/-/ Consider:
As larva, pupa, then a moth. -/-/-/-/

 


Legend:
– = unaccented syllable
/ = accented syllable
bold text = visual indicator of accented syllables
underlined text = indicates line where meter is off
italics = my notes & suggestions


THE DOUBT MONSTER
By Crystal Lamb © 2017 All rights reserved.
(For the purpose of this sample, I am sharing half of the scan.)

When the Doubt Monster comes – -/- -/
In the dark of the night, – -/- -/
he will whisper to you – -/- -/
as you hide out of sight, – -/- -/ Changed the period to a comma.

“When you’re up on the stage, – -/- -/
you’ll forget all your lines. – -/- -/
And they’ll all point and laugh – -/- -/
at your cries and whines! – -/- -/

You’ll fall on your face, -/- -/
in front of your friends. -/- -/
They’ll all laugh at you -/- -/
and it will seem The End!” – – -/-/ Consider my suggestion:
You will fallon your face – -/- -/
right in front of your friends. – -/- -/
They will all laugh at you – -/- -/
and you’ll think it’s The End! – -/- -/

So stare at the Monster -/- -/- Consider saying “that Monster”.
at the foot of your bed. – -/- -/
Gather up your courage, /- – -/-
and kick him from your head. -/- – -/
Because you’ve gone headless at the start of the second line and added a beat at the end of it, the following line needs to be headless as well to avoid having three unstressed beats in a row. Consider my suggestion:
So stare at that Monster -/- -/-
who stands by your bed, -/- -/
Stand tall and be brave – -/- -/
kick him out of your head. – -/- -/

Then point to the door -/- -/
Say it loud, say it clear: – -/- -/
“You must leave my room; -/- -/ Added a semicolon.
you have no power here! – -/- -/

If I fall on my face – -/- -/
with feet in the air, -/- -/
my friends are still my friends. -/-/-/
True friends will not care! -/- -/ Consider:
If I fall on my face – -/- -/
with my feet in the air, – -/- -/
I won’t cry and despair – -/- -/
’cause true friends will not care. – -/- -/

Jumping right up /- -/
I’ll say ‘TA DA!’ -/-/
and exit stage left -/- -/
while the crowd applauds! – -/-/ Consider:
I’ll rise up and exclaim – -/- -/
as the crowd gives a nod, – -/- -/
“TA-DA! Look at me!” -/- -/
Then they start to applaud. – -/- -/